This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
