Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
