I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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