He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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