If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
