What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
