I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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