I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
