i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
