There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he fucked my hip out of place.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
