So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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