Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
