guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
