It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
