My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
