I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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