Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
