$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
