don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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