Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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