I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
