I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
