The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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