OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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