Too much gin, very little bucket
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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