Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
