just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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