glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize