It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
