Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
