don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
