His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
