I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
