I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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