i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
