well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
