We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
