Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
