i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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