the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
