You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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