does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
