you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
