Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
