Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
