Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
