I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
