So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
