Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
