I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
