new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
