the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
