I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
